• Jill

Happy New Year... seems like everyone is having a “happy” and “new” year .. except for you

Updated: Jan 10

This is a tough time of the year. The winter days are dark and quiet. Yet, so many around us are making new resolutions and positive changes, and putting the “happy” in Happy New Year. And you’re just not feeling it.

The fact is, you have just experienced the death of a loved one. That’s pretty huge. Give yourself a break. This is the kind of a major life event which, unfortunately, everyone will experience at one time or another. When we were in school, were not given a lesson on how to handle this time in life.

Consider these thoughts for a minute or two..

- It may seem like everyone’s celebrating a happy start to the new year. But don’t be fooled. For sure, you’re not the only one feeling a bit down. Not everyone dares to show their truth and instead, they fake “joy”. Even if not suffering a loss, there are those experience great life challenges causing their mood to be less than upbeat.

  • This time of doldrums seems so heavy now, but it will not loom this large forever. The grief remains and changes over the years, but the darkest clouds of the mourning period will leave, in time. Just hang in, sit with the feelings, allow yourself to feel the sadness and loneliness just as it is. It is a very normal response to the absence of a loved one’s physical presence in your life.

  • You don’t need to make excuses or explain to anyone why are you not in celebratory mode. Just remind that you are grieving a loss.

  • Don’t beat yourself up by following the calendar of the world at large. You can experience a new year, or a new time, or a “new normal” anytime you feel ready. And you can save your positive resolutions for that time, when it feels more right.

  • You can use this time of year of new starts as a time to make a new start of taking care of yourself, even while in the middle of mourning. You don’t have to watch fireworks and party, but you can schedule yourself a massage or a facial or go to a theater or a movie, if it might give you a few hours of escape and distraction.

  • Honor that there will be many more new years and celebrations that you will attend.

  • AND ONE MORE THING, if you do feel like enjoying your family and friends and celebrating in a big way, DON’T FEEL GUILTY. ! JUST DO IT. Grief is not a time for punishing yourself and isolating yourself simply because a loved one died. Grief is a time for learning to accept the death, process the mourning, feel the way you need to feel at the time, and learn to live with the loss, in any way which feels REALLY RIGHT and works for you .

If you are struggling, I'd love to help. You can schedule a 20 minute complimentary consultation, by scheduling a call here.


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