It’s Sunny, Fun Summertime…Unless You’re Grieving a Loved One
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Photo by Ulla Shinami on Unsplash
Does Grieving Stop During Summertime?
Here we are in the midst of summertime. The days are long and from sunrise to sunset, there is an emphasis on enjoying summer fun, with a cheerful smile on your face.
But what if you are experiencing the death of a loved one?
Summertime Grieving Vs. Wintertime Grieving
Summertime Grieving
Grief can be more intense in the summertime, because it may seem to you as if everyone in the world is having a great time while you are adjusting to a major life event and roller-coaster days and nights. Especially in the first summer after a loss, the absence of that summer joy can be felt very acutely.
Wintertime Grieving
Wintertime grieving somehow feels easier for people, since their mood matches the darkness of the days, the bitter cold temperatures (depending upon where you live) and the “indoors” mentality during the season.
Photo by Amanda Kloska on Unsplash
Here are some thoughts that might give you some perspective as you navigate the rest of the summer.
UNDERSTAND that it’s okay to not want to spend the months feeling sunny and celebratory.
UNDERSTAND that it’s okay to indulge in your favorite summer time activities, even though you are grieving. Enjoying yourself does NOT mean you are not grieving. It does NOT mean that you stopped loving or missing your loved one. It means that you are willing to still try to do what you enjoying. After all, you are still alive. You can choose to enjoy yourself.
UNDERSTAND that healing begins with taking care of yourself. That includes getting fresh air, vitamin D from the sun, and exercising in the nice weather to get moving a little. Even if you are less motivated than usual, it’s worth a try. Fresh air and outdoors can clear your head and make you feel a little lighter during tough times.
BE CREATIVE. On a good day, you might want to take a favorite activity and do it in a special way to honor your loved one. As an example, if you spent some time playing tennis with him or her, try to play a game or two and do it in their honor.
If the summer included at least one lobster meal or a soft ice cream cone, treat yourself to whatever helps you be comforted with that memory of a shared activity. It’s perfectly okay to enjoy something even if your loved one can no longer do so. Remember, you’re still alive.TRY SOMETHING NEW. Decide to start a new summer ritual. Make new memories with new people. If you feel up to it, take a trip. Meet new people. Try a new activity. It will help lift your spirits in a healthy way.
REMEMBER that summers will get better. Grief feels like it will ever end, but it will ease up and become less painful as time goes by
Most importantly, let yourself do whatever makes you feel as okay as you can feel.
If you need to be reminded of your rights as a mourner, click below for the Mourner’s Bill of Rights.
Wondering if it’s okay to take a vacation while grieving? Take a look at my blog: Is It Vacation Time?
Photo by Dimitar Kazakov on Unsplash
How to Handle Grieving During the Summertime
One of the renowned experts in the field of grief, the late Darcie Sims, writes beautifully about handling summertime while grieving in “A Breath of Summer - Anytime.” Click below to read her article.
Seek Help
One smart move might be to look for a support group with a group of like-minded people going through the summer grief experience too.
And it might be a good time to seek out a grief counselor.
My clients have confirmed that it is beneficial to have support as they try to navigate their “new normal” and have a space to vent the “not so bright and cheerful” side of themselves as they grieve.
