“Dorinda Medley Says “There Are No Rules or Guidelines” for Bethenny Frankel Grieving Dennis Shields”

Bravo | 05/29/2019

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New York City-based family grief counselor Jill Cohen explained to Personal Space why she thinks people get judgmental about the amount of time someone spends grieving a partner who has passed.

"Sometimes people feel they have to make a comment or a judgement about anything and everything, because that is part of their nature," she said. "Sometimes, people feel uncomfortable in the presence of one who appears to be saddened and grieving, and they don't know how to interact, so they go ahead and throw a judgment that the other person's behavior and grief time may be wrong. Some people may secretly feel guilty if they have had a partner who had died, and they moved forward more smoothly and quickly than the other person. Guilt. Maybe I did not grieve right? Maybe I didn't let my grief out? Maybe people think I didn't mourn well enough?"

Cohen added when people themselves have never experienced the death of a loved one they can't even begin to contemplate what it feels like, how long it takes, or how to experience grief.

"So a hasty judgment seems the only way and the easiest way to think about it and dismiss it. If a person is very close to the person who is grieving and they feel unable to help her or him, they feel helpless themselves, they may feel inclined to judge that the person's grief is too much, too long, too intense, and that they are incapable of being helped and moving forward."

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New York Magazine | 5/22/2019