Grief Triggers and a Haunted Halloween
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How Halloween Triggers Grief
For those grieving a loved one, any holiday can be difficult, even Halloween.
Planning to participate in Halloween celebrations this year? You may feel like this holiday is more of a “trick” than a “treat.”
Read below this honest perspective of what Halloween is like for a young adult whose mother died around Halloween time. It’s from the whatsyourgrief.com website.
Halloween Can Trigger Your Grief
5 Reasons Why Halloween Could Be “Tricky” For Some Grievers and Why Your Grief Can Be Triggered:
1. Halloween holds traditions for many people, just as other holidays do.
It’s not just a kid’s holiday. Adults also take part in the Halloween dressing up, candy munching, and partying. This may bring up memories of when there was a cheerful “Happy Halloween” feeling. You can ignore this holiday if you feel like it. Or you can try to dust off your costume and give Halloween a try. Your choice. Or dress up as a griever, which will probably scare people!
2. If you are grieving the death of a baby, child or adolescent, watching the fun activities happening around you may feel a real trick of your mind.
If the thought of lots of kids at the door gives you the spooks, keep the lights off or leave the house, to avoid the onslaught of children and laughter. Or, you might want to celebrate with the children just as you would have in the past, to “keep the tradition.” The choices are yours.
Photo by Alex Dadukin on Unsplash
3. Grieving children should have the option to celebrate Halloween as usual.
Since children tend to grieve in spurts and are not in a constant grief state, opportunities for play and costumes and trick-or-treating are still fun experiences for them. It is perfectly okay to find another adult to handle Halloween with them if you are not up for it.
4. Halloween symbols can be very scary, especially the ones with the death symbolization.
Spirits, ghosts, tombstones, graveyards, skeletons and other reminders of death are everywhere during October. Adults may find it difficult to look at these symbols in the playful way they once did.
And, children may ask questions like – “What happens to you after you die?”, “What happens to your body? “Are ghosts real?” If you are supporting a young child who is grieving, you may want to check in with them. There may be a lot for them to be scared or sad about.
5. A witch on a broomstick.
A witch on a broomstick may remind you of yourself if you’ve been feeling particularly cranky or mean-spirited as you adjust to a “new normal” without your loved one. If so, you’re not alone. For many, grouchiness can be a part of grieving.
Photo by Szabó János on Unsplash
Halloween Can Be Fun For Some and Not For Others
Halloween is a playful holiday. Some are enthusiastic about it and decorate for months leading up to it, and then, fully celebrate it. If it doesn’t seem fun to you this year, don’t worry. Halloween happens every year, so you can celebrate it when you’re more in the mood.
Grief takes a lot of the joy and enthusiasm out of you, so this might be the year to take a pass on the pumpkin parties.
Whatever happens this Halloween -- whether you’re triggered or not -- as always, give yourself permission to do whatever feels right to you.
If you are finding grief “tricky” or your grief is haunting you, grief counseling might do the trick in helping your healing.
Part of my work with clients is guiding them through holidays and traditions (keeping some, and making new ones) and navigating the adjustment to the “new normal,” without a loved one.
