Jewish Holiday of Yom Kippur Focuses On Life And Death— Difficult Hours for Those Grieving a Recent Death
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Yom Kippur - The High Holy Days
The holiday, Yom Kippur, which is celebrated on October 1st and 2nd this year, is considered one of the High Holy Days in the Jewish calendar. The High Holidays – Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur – are also called the Days of Awe. Rosh Hashanah, which is about a week or so before Yom Kippur, is the Jewish New Year; Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement.
With these holidays come so much meaning, contemplation, solemnity, and the ever-present theme of life and death. In fact, one of the most renowned and moving poems in the Jewish liturgy, called the Unetanah Tokef, read on Rosh Hashanah and on Yom Kippur, states,
On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, And on Yom Kippur it is sealed. How many shall pass away and how many shall be born, Who shall live and who shall die.
Yizkor Service
Another Yom Kippur tradition in synagogues, is a special worship service, the Yizkor service, devoted to prayer and remembrance of deceased loved ones. The Yizkor services are a perfect opportunity to remember the deceased and to honor one’s own feelings of grief. It is also a time for attuning to the soul and spirit of the person who has died, and the legacy he or she has left behind. And all, within a community of caring congregants. A special candle, a Yizkor candle, is lit at home on the eve before the holiday starts. Yizkor prayers are recited in synagogue the next day. At this holiday, we remember the lives of deceased parents, children, siblings, relatives and others. We reflect on their lives, honor their memory and attune to their souls.
As a grief counselor, and also one who mourns with each Yom Kippur, I want to validate and normalize your feelings. This holiday, with its somber tone and solemnity, can be overwhelming form the perspective of grief. The prayer book and the words we read and recite truly get “up close and personal” with the topic of death.
In my grief counseling practice, at this time of year, I sometimes invite my Jewish clients to talk about their deceased loved ones and share memories. Whether the death was recent or in years’ past, this opportunity can be very healing. That said, it can also be very upsetting and uncomfortable, for many.
Here is a must-read article, which will likely resonate with many. The Times of Israel published an article called “No, I’m not OK: Wrestling with a Stranger Named Death on Yom Kippur." The author, a young woman who was grieving a loved one during the year, writes beautifully and honestly about her feelings at Yom Kippur.
In my opinion, this says it all. Click below.
For much more information, visit www.jillgriefcounselor.com and my Facebook page Jill Cohen – NYC grief counselor.
