It’s probably the most difficult gift to give, the one for a friend or acquaintance who just lost a loved one. But along with simply spending time with a grieving person, the right gift can also offer some solace. “A gift is a great way to show that you’re thinking and you care,” says Kelsey Crowe, author, speaker, and founder of Help Each Other Out. In times like these when you can’t physically be there for your friend, a gift carries even more significance.

Whether you choose a gift that helps your friend through the grieving process, or one that honors the memory of their loved one, keep in mind that condolence gifts are largely symbolic of your love and support. “It’s really about that communication, letting the person know you’re here for them,” according to R. Benyamin Cirlin, a social worker and the executive director of the Center for Loss and Renewal. Still, it can be nerve-racking to figure out what someone might want or need. That’s why we asked Crowe, Cirlin, and four other grief experts about the best gifts to buy for people dealing with loss. But before we get to their picks, all of the experts say the sentiment is what counts when giving a condolence gift, and stress that you should include a meaningful note with whatever you give. Cirlin says this can be as simple as writing “I’m not even sure what to say,” or “I’m thinking about you,” or recounting a happy memory you have of the person who died. Alan Wolfelt, director of the Center for Loss & Life Transition, adds that “they may forget down the line what gift you gave them but they won’t forget the note.” When it comes to writing the note, using a simple blank card like this is the best way to personalize your message.

It’s a bit more of a project, but for friends with outdoor space, grief counselor Jill S. Cohen likes the idea of gifting a kit that lets recipients plant a tree in honor of their loved one. She says that being able to look at the tree as the years go by

“keeps a piece of that memory alive.” Maidenberg agrees “there’s nothing like nurturing somebody in terms of growth.”

Planting a tree, she says, is a powerful metaphor for preserving memories while moving forward.

Sometimes the best gift you can give is help with daily tasks that a grieving person isn’t able to handle at the moment. “Mourners have what we call the ‘lethargy of grief’ for months and months after loss,” says Wolfelt. “They don’t have the energy to clean the house or cook a meal.” It might not be something a friend comes out and asks for, but experts agree it’s something they’ll appreciate.

“No one likes to ask for help and most times when they’re grieving they’re in a pretty big fog,” says Cohen.

Offer to clean up their place while they’re out for a few hours to allow for social distancing, or treat them to a professional cleaning service for the day. You can read more about Handy’s COVID safety measures here.