Father’s Day without Dad or Your Child
3 Minute Read
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
Celebrating Dad: The How-To While Grieving
I know it’s a tough one. Every June, without fail, Father’s Day is on the calendar. Every year, my grieving clients ask me what to do, how to handle it, and tell me just hard the holiday can be for them.
My Advice
I tell them that they can choose to honor the day with celebration, or they can choose the let the day pass quietly. There is no right or wrong way to handle a holiday.
Celebrate If You Choose To
If you feel in the mood to celebrate your father and the memories you created together, the ways he enjoyed living, and the way he handed down his values to you, you can do that.
Play golf, host a barbecue, take a walk and enjoy the day. Make a meal he really enjoyed, participate in an activity that gave him joy or watch one of his favorite movies, if that feels right. This is one way to handle Father’s Day.
Storytelling, sharing great memories about time with your Dad can be a positive experience. Here’s an article about how storytelling can add to your Father’s Day.
If there is a “father figure” role model in your life, you might want to reach out to him and maybe even get together, if it is possible. And if you are a “father figure” to someone in your life, celebrate that on Father’s Day. Being a father is not always “biological.”
What If You’re a Dad Who Lost a Child?
Grieving can also be hard on Father’s Day when it is the FATHER who is grieving the loss of his young or adult child, eliminating his role as active “father” to that son.
This article sheds some light on that aspect of the day. And, that loss can be the death of a child, the estrangement from a son, or any of a number of reasons why the absence causes grief to a father.
An article from the HuffPost gives the author’s experiences of handling this day meant for “fathers” when his child has died.
The website for grieving Dads offers a lot of information on this topic. Take a look.
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash
Do Nothing At All
Another way to handle Father’s Day is “doing nothing.” If your grief is too overwhelming, you can just surrender to the day and let it pass by.
Suggested Read: Virtual Grief Counseling, It Works!
Consider This:
If you are in early mourning stages, (or just find this holiday too difficult every year), feel free to take a pass on any festivities that will make you feel uncomfortable.
4 top responses to say if anyone asks:
“I’m just not up to it this year”.
“I am really grieving at holidays like this”.
“Not in the mood. Hopefully, next year. I appreciate the invitation.”
“It’s too hard for me”.
Then, spend the day in a way that would make you feel supported, loved, and calm.
Do What Is Good For You
Your Needs Are Important
Understand that when you are grieving, you have your own special needs that are important. (We sometimes call it “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights”).
You can do ALL or NOTHING or SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN this holiday.
Honor the Truth
Honor the truth. This “Hallmark card day” Father’s Day is a hard day for someone whose Dad has died., or a Dad whose child has died. You have every right to be sad that your loved one is not physically here with you any longer.
